To My Son…..Finally The Phone Call

So, you finally called last night.

You are defensive right from the start

And sarcastic

You tried to explain your absence at your sister’s on Sunday

Sorry…I want to believe you, but I can’t

You say you tried to call on Sunday

Before we left for the party

I check Caller ID while you are on the phone

No calls from you or anyone that day

You then say

Youe phone has been giving you trouble

Your number is not appearing

When you call people

WOW

How amazing

Do you see how hard this is for me

I ask if you are planning to come to town to see your children

You say yes

You’re going to leave early in the morning on Sunday

I ask if it’s so that you can get here for breakfast

No you say

A friend is driving with you

You are taking her to her family so she can visit

Of couse it’s a “her”

Pfft I say…

How convenient her family lives close by

Right around the corner you say

I tell you she is not welcome here

There better be not any excuses

If her family is not home

Or her visit cut short

She will not be welcome here

She will have to find a place to wait for you

This little parolee chaser

I won’t allow her to share your time with your children

Your children better get a great visit

Your full attention

Nothing less

I am at a loss

I don’t know who you are

Wait

Maybe I do

Maybe I just don’t want to admit

That you are not who I want you to be

Nor am I

Who I want to be

With you

I hate where we are

We have always been so close

I hate that I can’t trust what you say

I hate that I can’t trust you

I know how we got here

But you have to be the person

Who gets us back on track

My hands are tied

I have told you your entire life

Perception is everything

Trust is golden

You are the only person

Who can erase my perception

That you aren’t always

Telling the truth

I am begging you

Please find the person

You used to be

I miss him

Love You

Your Mom

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Freshly Pressed Honor, To My Son, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

41 Responses to To My Son…..Finally The Phone Call

  1. Tony Carbon says:

    I hope he comes home to you. I know the feeling. I used to be that person.

    Tony – The Head Duffer

  2. factsnotopinions says:

    Why isn’t she welcome? Did she do something wrong? Did you do something wrong?

    • Hi, Thank you for your comments. Those who know me would tell you that my door and home is open to anyone at anytime. However my son is rebuilding his relationship with his children after a lengthy absence. We are going through a healing process. The distaction of yet another “girlfriend” is not a step in the right direction.

      • factsnotopinions says:

        Maybe it is, not all scenarios are the same. If she’s a good person, she could possibly make him a better person. For all you know she could be encouraging him to do the right thing, it doesn’t mean he’ll listen but that’s up to him regardless. It also shouldn’t mean that she isn’t welcome in your home like you said she wasn’t. That could be hindering what you want him to do, you never know what a person might be going through inside even your own kid.

  3. Tar-Buns says:

    I feel your pain in your words and your previous posts. Sounds like you are focusing on taking care of your grandchildren and hoping your son ‘groups his poop.’ I’ll say a prayer that you find the strength and courage to carry on and hope for better.
    Oh, and congratulations on being Freshly Pressed (FPd). That is the ultimate honor for blogs and dearly coveted by all bloggers.

    • Hi, thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. My grandchildren are my world, they keep me grounded, if it weren’t for them I think I would have literally had a breakdown, they are amazing little people. Thank you also for the congrat’s on the Freshly Pressed. I was shocked today when I checked my stats and saw that I had almost 700 views today, I was confused until I went to the Freshly Pressed page and saw my post. I am new to blogging but have picked up quickly that it is an honor to be chosen.

  4. amelie88 says:

    This was so hard and raw to read… I hope someday your son realizes what he’s done to his family and will come home.

    • Thank you for your kind words. As I write my posts, the words I write are sometimes hard to use, my written thoughts and phrases make me pause, make me think that I should not be so open. But then I remember why I started this blog, this is my space, my place to say what I need to say…to relive in writing how we got here and hopefully help me heal. It is hard, it is raw and it hurts like crazy….

  5. that sounds painful… hope things turn for the better soon.

  6. bellesez says:

    Reblogged this on Bellesez and commented:
    Touching.

    • Thank you for liking my post well enough to reblog. I really started this blog as a place for me to come into to say the things I want to say but can’t bring my self to say outloud. A place to relive the journey that got us here in the hope that the written word will help me clear my head heal. Never in a thousand years would I have thought my thoughts and words would have gotten so much attention. Thank you.

  7. Marianne says:

    Sounds very familiar to me. Have you heard of “The Work” by Byron Katie? It helped me greatly. Just a thought.

  8. katemai says:

    Lovely.
    Heartbreaking.

  9. vennezz says:

    reminds me .. i should call my mum :\

  10. xdi5 says:

    This is a very emotional and sentimental wishes of a loving mother. Your cries has reached its destination and your wish will come true. Your son will surprisingly or miraculously come home. I like it. Vincent Onvey

  11. Nanny says:

    Got to let them fly Mom and they’ll come back on their own – really!

  12. Jane says:

    Your post made me cry. Hang in there. He will surprise you.

  13. gpsnavigationapps says:

    Wish you all good happen to you…

  14. Oh dear – thinking of you and yours….

  15. iRuniBreathe says:

    Than you for sharing this raw and honest post. Perception is everything and we cannot make anyone be who they once were. He is still there, inside. Trust that that person can come back to you. Stay strong.
    iRuniBreathe

  16. hope everything turns out, if not now, soon

  17. yogalife24 says:

    Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. (Doctrine and Covenants 6:34)
    May God send you peace, love, and forgiveness.
    How bittersweet the love of a mother…

  18. I have two sons and have watched them make so many mistakes. Watched them turn into people I no longer recognised. But, eventually, Father God touched them and they came back to Him – running all the way. I feel your pain, and will be praying for you, for peace of mind and heart, and for your son, that the light will dawn for him and he will see where true peace and contentment lie. Stay strong my dear, and keep your eyes heavenward. Father God hears you, He knows every tear you have shed and he weeps with you.
    Blessings
    Linda

    • Hi Linda, Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. Our faith and prayer has gotten us through a lot over the last few years, I know that He is watching and will guide us all in the direction we’re meant to go. Sometimes I wish He wouldn’t wait so long, but he’s never let me down. God bless you and yours.

  19. While I understand you are grieving, for the life of me, I cannot understand why your personal venting at your son has been “freshly pressed.”

    • Hi Richard, being very new to the world of blogging, I am not up to speed on the criteria for being selected. Perhaps because it is so personal, raw and honest; something that many have and can identify with. It’s not a cut and paste type of blog, it’s personal and real, my words, my feeling, my thoughts. To be honest I started this blog as a way to document a journey and hopefully through seeing things in writing begin to heal. This is meant as a personal outlet, I am myself, surprised by the attention it has drawn.

      • That is my point. This isn’t an article that is useful to anyone other than yourself. For others, it is gawking at an accident in progress.

        I’m sorry for your pain, but surprised a rant to your son is made public.

  20. bellesez says:

    Reblogged this on Bellesez and commented:
    This must be what my ex mother in law feels at times. Thank heaven’s my son has me and his step dad.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s