So, you finally called last night.
You are defensive right from the start
And sarcastic
You tried to explain your absence at your sister’s on Sunday
Sorry…I want to believe you, but I can’t
You say you tried to call on Sunday
Before we left for the party
I check Caller ID while you are on the phone
No calls from you or anyone that day
You then say
Youe phone has been giving you trouble
Your number is not appearing
When you call people
WOW
How amazing
Do you see how hard this is for me
I ask if you are planning to come to town to see your children
You say yes
You’re going to leave early in the morning on Sunday
I ask if it’s so that you can get here for breakfast
No you say
A friend is driving with you
You are taking her to her family so she can visit
Of couse it’s a “her”
Pfft I say…
How convenient her family lives close by
Right around the corner you say
I tell you she is not welcome here
There better be not any excuses
If her family is not home
Or her visit cut short
She will not be welcome here
She will have to find a place to wait for you
This little parolee chaser
I won’t allow her to share your time with your children
Your children better get a great visit
Your full attention
Nothing less
I am at a loss
I don’t know who you are
Wait
Maybe I do
Maybe I just don’t want to admit
That you are not who I want you to be
Nor am I
Who I want to be
With you
I hate where we are
We have always been so close
I hate that I can’t trust what you say
I hate that I can’t trust you
I know how we got here
But you have to be the person
Who gets us back on track
My hands are tied
I have told you your entire life
Perception is everything
Trust is golden
You are the only person
Who can erase my perception
That you aren’t always
Telling the truth
I am begging you
Please find the person
You used to be
I miss him
Love You
Your Mom
I hope he comes home to you. I know the feeling. I used to be that person.
Tony – The Head Duffer
I’m sorry. I will pray for you. But can I say……. that you prompt me to pray for my young sons as well, that we would be spared, because I know there are no guarantees. I really will pray for you.
Thank you for your prayers Catherine. You’re right, there are no guarantees, life has a funny way of throwing in a curve ball or two that sometimes takes you way off course.
Thank you Tony, appreciate your sharing.
Why isn’t she welcome? Did she do something wrong? Did you do something wrong?
Hi, Thank you for your comments. Those who know me would tell you that my door and home is open to anyone at anytime. However my son is rebuilding his relationship with his children after a lengthy absence. We are going through a healing process. The distaction of yet another “girlfriend” is not a step in the right direction.
Maybe it is, not all scenarios are the same. If she’s a good person, she could possibly make him a better person. For all you know she could be encouraging him to do the right thing, it doesn’t mean he’ll listen but that’s up to him regardless. It also shouldn’t mean that she isn’t welcome in your home like you said she wasn’t. That could be hindering what you want him to do, you never know what a person might be going through inside even your own kid.
I feel your pain in your words and your previous posts. Sounds like you are focusing on taking care of your grandchildren and hoping your son ‘groups his poop.’ I’ll say a prayer that you find the strength and courage to carry on and hope for better.
Oh, and congratulations on being Freshly Pressed (FPd). That is the ultimate honor for blogs and dearly coveted by all bloggers.
Hi, thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. My grandchildren are my world, they keep me grounded, if it weren’t for them I think I would have literally had a breakdown, they are amazing little people. Thank you also for the congrat’s on the Freshly Pressed. I was shocked today when I checked my stats and saw that I had almost 700 views today, I was confused until I went to the Freshly Pressed page and saw my post. I am new to blogging but have picked up quickly that it is an honor to be chosen.
This was so hard and raw to read… I hope someday your son realizes what he’s done to his family and will come home.
Thank you for your kind words. As I write my posts, the words I write are sometimes hard to use, my written thoughts and phrases make me pause, make me think that I should not be so open. But then I remember why I started this blog, this is my space, my place to say what I need to say…to relive in writing how we got here and hopefully help me heal. It is hard, it is raw and it hurts like crazy….
that sounds painful… hope things turn for the better soon.
Thank you for your kind words, they are appreciated.
Reblogged this on Bellesez and commented:
Touching.
Thank you for liking my post well enough to reblog. I really started this blog as a place for me to come into to say the things I want to say but can’t bring my self to say outloud. A place to relive the journey that got us here in the hope that the written word will help me clear my head heal. Never in a thousand years would I have thought my thoughts and words would have gotten so much attention. Thank you.
Sounds very familiar to me. Have you heard of “The Work” by Byron Katie? It helped me greatly. Just a thought.
Thanks Marianne, I had not heard of Byron Katie but looked her site up before I posted my response to you, I have her site bookmarked, thank you for the recommnedation.
Lovely.
Heartbreaking.
Thank you Kate…
reminds me .. i should call my mum :\
Do that…she’ll love it.
This is a very emotional and sentimental wishes of a loving mother. Your cries has reached its destination and your wish will come true. Your son will surprisingly or miraculously come home. I like it. Vincent Onvey
Vincent, thank you so much for your kind words. No matter what their age it’s hard to watch your child struggle and lose their way, it’s my job to make sure he knows the door is always open.
Got to let them fly Mom and they’ll come back on their own – really!
Hi Nanny, thank you for your comment. Letting go was the easy part….watching them fly head on into the path of a train wreck is the hard part, the part that makes you feel helpless.
Your post made me cry. Hang in there. He will surprise you.
Jane, thank you for your supportive words. I know he has it in him….sometimes he gets off course. It’s painful to watch your child (no matter what age) fall of course.
Wish you all good happen to you…
Thank you for sending good wishes our way.
Oh dear – thinking of you and yours….
Thank you.
Than you for sharing this raw and honest post. Perception is everything and we cannot make anyone be who they once were. He is still there, inside. Trust that that person can come back to you. Stay strong.
iRuniBreathe
hope everything turns out, if not now, soon
Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. (Doctrine and Covenants 6:34)
May God send you peace, love, and forgiveness.
How bittersweet the love of a mother…
Thank you so much for your prayer….it is appreciated.
I have two sons and have watched them make so many mistakes. Watched them turn into people I no longer recognised. But, eventually, Father God touched them and they came back to Him – running all the way. I feel your pain, and will be praying for you, for peace of mind and heart, and for your son, that the light will dawn for him and he will see where true peace and contentment lie. Stay strong my dear, and keep your eyes heavenward. Father God hears you, He knows every tear you have shed and he weeps with you.
Blessings
Linda
Hi Linda, Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. Our faith and prayer has gotten us through a lot over the last few years, I know that He is watching and will guide us all in the direction we’re meant to go. Sometimes I wish He wouldn’t wait so long, but he’s never let me down. God bless you and yours.
While I understand you are grieving, for the life of me, I cannot understand why your personal venting at your son has been “freshly pressed.”
Hi Richard, being very new to the world of blogging, I am not up to speed on the criteria for being selected. Perhaps because it is so personal, raw and honest; something that many have and can identify with. It’s not a cut and paste type of blog, it’s personal and real, my words, my feeling, my thoughts. To be honest I started this blog as a way to document a journey and hopefully through seeing things in writing begin to heal. This is meant as a personal outlet, I am myself, surprised by the attention it has drawn.
That is my point. This isn’t an article that is useful to anyone other than yourself. For others, it is gawking at an accident in progress.
I’m sorry for your pain, but surprised a rant to your son is made public.
Reblogged this on Bellesez and commented:
This must be what my ex mother in law feels at times. Thank heaven’s my son has me and his step dad.